nature from the sky

nature as a salve

❤ A little update for everyone who wrote weeks ago asking about my trip to Seattle to see the specialist in complex illnesses:

Thank you so much for your kindness, your prayers and good thoughts during my trip (I definitely felt your energy!) … for your patience as I rested up once I returned (I fell off the face of the earth for a couple’a weeks on ya there! 🙂 ) … and gargantuan thank you’s to the friends who made it all possible in the first place … my gratitude is beyond what words can even begin to express. ❤

I’ve been having such a tough time deciding which details to share with you. I don’t tend to talk specifics about illness here. It’s been such an intense experience that, prior to finding myself in the middle of it, I never could have even begun to imagine something like this. Honestly at times it’s felt like torture. But there are also so very many gifts and those are what I usually choose to share.

I guess I’ll just do a brief overview then I may share a little story.

Seattle was one part utterly amazing (I LOVE my new doctor!) … one part totally challenging (a lot of pain … traveling amidst illness tends to kick my little ass! 🙂 ) … and 100% completely and utterly worth it.

My doctor gave me a treatment plan (from two to five years) plus a dose of hope. I went from someone who had chosen to learn to just accept this crazy experience and find a piece of magic in each day amidst the suffering … to one who actually looks forward to seeing if we can improve my situation to some degree. Even a small amount of improvement would be incredible for me. My life had become so limited!

We’ll see how I respond over these next months and years. There is a percentage of people who just can’t be treated but I envision myself in the percentage who can and it’s my intention to put this into remission.

As I share this let me also say … I don’t feel that anyone’s experience is ever “wrong” … each thing we encounter in life offers the opportunity to learn and to grow … I would not be who I am today without this experience. I’m fine with what’s happened and I’m fine with whatever happens in the future. I’ve learned a lot about being ok with challenging experiences, not expecting things to be perfect, and finding magic in the mess.

My new doctor is absolutely brilliant … incredibly knowledgeable … plus kind and compassionate. I’m over the moon grateful for having been there to see him and excited to embark on this new journey and see where it lands me.

It took me two weeks to decide how public I am going to be about all of this. I am choosing to share these few small pieces with you just this once. I don’t have the energy to field lots of questions so I’m hoping I can share this little overview then after this I’ll want to focus on my treatment and finding the magic in each day as I like to do.

Lastly, I’ll share this little story with you:

On the flight back from Seattle there was a point at which I was in some incredibly severe pain. It was jolting my body over and over again. Then I felt a light on my face and opened my eyes to see the most astonishing scene outside of the window. I envisioned myself out there in the clouds. For a moment the thought appeared, “That’s irresponsible. You need to be here with the pain, in order to do something about it.”

I don’t know where that thought came from or why I would think that.

I looked back outside again and it was getting more and more beautiful by the minute. The disparity between the pain and the beauty was immense and each was pulling me in a different direction. In that moment I chose to be out there (in my mind) with all of the beauty.

I share this in case it may help someone else who also goes through chronic pain. For me, it helps to acknowledge and be with it and then look for something beautiful or magical and immerse myself in that. Maybe you can do this too. 🙂 <3

As always … sending you love, my friends!

nature from the sky

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